high hopes.

The leaves on the large oak tree outside my window were fading from green to yellow, to orange and to red. They rustled softly as the wind blew a crisp autumn air through my open window, only to be pushed right back out as I exhaled the smoke I was holding deep in my lungs. She passed the small rolled up piece of paper back to me, and I held it lightly between my thumb and middle finger, brought it to my lips and sucked in. As a giggle escaped my throat, a cough of air followed. I passed it back and pulled the curtains away from my head, wrecking our "make-shift fort". She took one last hit and flicked the remains of our dirty deed out the window, puling her side of the curtain away from herself. I sprawled back on to the bed, leaning on my elbows and stared at the ceiling. I could hear children outside having fun, dogs barking and cars passing by. A smile crept across my face as I thought of the way I felt. Free. Flying. High.
Deciding it was defintiely time for a snack, we wandered down the stairs toward the kitchen. She was in front of me, and all I could think about was pushing her against the wall and feeling my lips against hers. But I ignored all pulls my body had and kept my beeline for the kitchen.
Brownies were soon decided to be the snack of choice. I stood in the corner of the counter, reached up to the cupboard and I could sense her standing behind me. My thoughts focused in on a sudden day dream of her pressing herself against my back and sliding her hands around the front of my hips, as she kissed the back of my neck.

heres to you.

im flying higher than i ever have before
youve got me spinnin and twirlin and more
never thought id feel like this again
so heres to the good now and the bad then

heres to finding that one who can
give you butterflies when youre used to lies
heres to the one with a gentle hand
that heals the pain when they say your name

and my life as a mess before you said hello
now youve cleaned it up, shining from head to toe
never thoughtid feel like this with you
so heres to no more gray and skies of blue

heres to finding that one who can
give you butterflies when youre used to lies
heres to the one with a gentle hand
that heals the pain when they say your name

its like a smile after a tear
i know its crazy, but i need you near
just dont let go of what weve got
my heart is twisted in a knot
but dont let go of what weve got

so heres to finding the one that can
make your heart beat fast from the start
and heres to the one with a gentle hand
that holds you close, loves you more than most

heres to finding that one who can
give you butterflies when youre used to lies
heres to the one with a gentle hand
that heals the pain when they say your name

hope.

i dont sleep anymore, its been days
staying up late, until i see the suns rays
i dont stay up thinking of the way things could be
i dont lie awake wishing that someone would help me

i guess im just broken beyond repair
messing up so bad; i cant even begin to share
i guess ive just been running far away from life
i guess i just still havent quite gotten it right

i sit and hold on tight, through everything
grasping on to hope, like a piece of string
i sit and push the every single thought and pain away
i sit and watch as everything i love, turns to gray

a girl.

the beauty as the night stills
keeps her warm, though her body chills
the stars above her shine so bright
giving sun light, though it is night
a gentle kiss, one that thrills
a painful word, one the kills
imagination soon takes flight
nothing and no one else in sight
a moon lingers over the hills
illuminating a girl in frills
she sits alone, no room for fright
no time for tears, try as she might
a poison kicks in, she slowly stills
no more warmth, her body chills
the stars above her no longer bright
the peaking sunlight, gives end to night

untitled.

she follows you like a lost dog
do you care that youre in the wrong?
she smiles every time you say her name
her heart flies when you look her way

you play her like an instrument
does it make you feel like a real man?
you toy her around, like a puppet on a string
you tear her down, with the pain you bring

im trying.

You act like its a chore
To be around me
We dont talk anymore
And you cant even see

You wonder why we fight
Almost every day
You think its all right
To throw our love away

Maybe if you would try
To meet me half way
I wouldnt always cry
My pain would be at bay

So do I just let go?
Will things ever change?
I just need to know
If youre worth all the pain

Because Im not as strong
As youd like to think
I wish I was wrong
But now Im just too weak

gone.

Broken promises, truths left unsaid
I gave you everthing, my heart and soul
You threw it back, and its taking its toll

I begged you to stay, those three words to say
I needed help, but you refused to give it
So say goodbye to my love, though you wont miss it

The battles been fought, I didnt win like I'd though
Im giving up, and now you have space
Youll never again have to see my face

Dont tell me not to go, its fake, I know
Youre getting what youve wanted all along
No more stress, no bother, for I am gone