it story time, children!

As I walked out of the school, I slipped my headphones in my ears and turned on my ipod, ready to walk home. As I lifted my head, what I saw shocked me, but my smile covered my face, and any pain I was feeling disappeared in a heartbeat. A rusty, red pick-up was sitting along the curb, and leaning against it was her. She was average height, with black medium length hair. She was noticeably muscular, and she wore a tshirt and baggy pants. Her face was painted with a crooked smile, and her eyes were staring at me through dark sunglasses.
I began to walk towards her, excitement tingling my legs every step of the way. I was grinning, ear to ear, and when I got to the truck she wrapped her arms around me, hugging me tight. I cherished the moment, taking in her scent and warmth. She pulled away and smiled.
"Surprise," she said, and I just stared, still grinning. Opening the squeaky passenger door, she held her hand out, gesturing for me to get in. I climbed in, and she closed the door before walking in front of the car to her side.
"So. Where are we going?" I asked, my happiness and excitement very noticeable.
"Where ever you want," she laughed, and I smiled.

We sat on a bench at the top of a hill that looks out over my town, in silence. The air was filled with the smell of autumn leaves, and the breeze was chilling. She grabbed her jacket from her truck and draped it over my shoulders.
"So," she said.
"So."
"Why dont you talk to me?" My mood changed imediately. I didn't want to talk about my feelings, about why I had ben distant today, about why I'd been so out of it lately. She'd regret asking if she knew why. But, I sighed and began to talk.
"Why is it that you always care whats on my mind?" I asked quietly.
She hesitated before replying.
"Because I care about you. A lot more than you realize." She averted her gaze, glancing out over the town rather than staring at me.
"I know what you mean," I sighed. She turned back to me, her face not giving away any emotions.
"Do you?" she asked.
"I think so," I mumured. "I think I know what you mean. But at the same time, I think Im just imagining youre feeling what Im feeling, and getting my hopes up." I could feel myself starting to shake slightly; I was just glad it wasnt noticeable yet.
"Well, why dont you find out?"
"Because," I shrugged.
"Tell me how you feel."
"No."
"Yes."
I groaned before speaking again. "I um...I just. God. I think about you all the time. I want to be near you all the time. I miss you when were not talking. Youre always there for me, and I trust you more than I've trusted anyone in a long time." I sighed. "We fought today. I told you I didnt care what you did. You didnt respond. But yet, you showed up after school. You have no idea how much that meant to me." My voice was shaking by the time I stopped talking, and I was slightly, okay, -insanely- nervous about where this conversation was heading.
"Well," she said slowly, "I wanted you to know how bad I felt about the fight. And I knew youd be hurting, I knew I'd be able to fix that, even if I was the reason you were upset." As she spoke, I knew what I was going to say next. I couldnt just pretend it wasn't what i was hinking anymore.
"I... I love you?" I said it as if I was asking it. Which I was. The statement was something so unfathomable, but so believable at the same time. I was unsure if I should believe myself. I was scared that I was right. I was scared I was wrong. Okay...I loved her, I admit it. But -how- did I love her? I wasnt positive of that answer.
She was staring at me, her eyes wide, but still not expressing any feelings on her face. I felt a knot in my throat start, and my stomach started to turn. My fear began to take over my thoughts, and I fought back tears. I knew I shouldnt have said it. I knew it. I opened my mouth to take it back, and my words were stopped by her lips pressing against mine.

my first one.

This is very exciting to me, the fact that Im doing my first blog. But just the word first gets me thinking. But before I get to that, Im going to warn you that my thoughts dont always even make sense to me, so I may be confusing sometimes. Also, when I write something, I tend to keep writing until I get distracted, so these may be long.
So, firsts. The other day, as I sat on a bench in my school lobby, some boy were doing a homework assignment. They had to write about a "first" memory. I was slightly confused by this task at first, and I thought they were trying to think of the first memory they could recollect. I attempted this, and I failed. Epically. But they explained it. By first, they meant like the first time they rode a bike, and things like that. I spent the rest of the period thinking about this. I could recall my first kiss. It was with Shelby. I could recall my first kiss with a boy. It was with Dan. I could remember my very first day of school, and meeting another girl named Lauren who looked just like me. I even remember the shirt she was wearing. I could remember the first time I got to pick out what I wanted to wear for picture day, and how that morning I was stressed for the first time in my life, because I wanted so badly to look pretty. I could remember the first time I fell in love. The first time I had sex. The first time I drank alcohol. The first cell phone I had. The first time I had a notebook for poems. The first best friend I had.
But most importantly, I remembered the first time I felt beautiful. Yes, I know, its weird that it was the most important. But the thing is, it was this past summer, and Im reminded of it every day. I cant say much about it. But there was a girl, who told me I was beautiful. Who told me I was perfect. Sure, Ive been told that before. But how did she manage to make me believe her? I dont know, but I sure as hell did.
Everyday, when I feel unattractive, less than average, boring, plain or dull, I think of her looking at me, telling me Im beautiful. And I feel comfortable with myself. Which is another first. Because everyday I feel pretty, and thats a real first.