intoxicated babbling.

why is it that my heart pounds at just the thought of you? i feel like i want to move on, but i feel like i want to stay, lost forever in your eyes. but the way we fight...ive been here before. its all so familiar, like deja vu. ive seen the way it ends, how it affects two people in love. and i dont want that again. i dont know if i could handle it again. i think it could quite possibly damage me for the rest of my life. but here we are, talking. you dont want to let me in, but for some reason you want to talk. im letting you in more than id like to because im not one hundred percent coherent. but i guess its a good thing that im letting you in. i guess you probably like it, that im letting you in, that im being so open. my fingers are cold. they get this way when im typing. i dont know why. but that just makes me think of how i want to hold your hand. can i, please? would you let me if i was there? if i told you all of this in person, would you have reacted differently? would you have screamed at me? pushed me? hit me? ...loved me? i hope you never stop loving me. i couldnt ever stop loving you, you know that? even when you say you dont think i love you, you dont see how i could. i do. i love you more than you know. more than i thought possible. more than i should, i guess, what with allthe fighting and past experiences weve had. with our past, people would never think we would have made it this far. but i guess our love is pretty damn awesome, huh? but even awesome loves can fall apart, and i guess thats whats happening. i do love you though.
and now youre saying yo uwont be able to let me in again. so please tell me, whats the point in even talking about the future? why even tell me you only want me if you wont be able to let me in anymore? if you cant let me in now, if ive pulled the final straw, then maybe its time for us to both move on. we both know our lvoe for eachother will never die, we know it will always stay in our hearts. hybernating from the cold world. and though it may stay in hybernation, it will still be alive.
im sorry that things had to end this way. hell, im sorry that things had to end. but someday, well look back, and thank eachother for the love we had, right? we can remember the memories, and forget the pain, someday, right? one day, even if not together, well both be happy again. but i know that we will always lvoe each other. or atleast ill always love you. but you know that i think once you love someone, you always do, in some way, shape or form. youll always be a part of me, and ill never forget you. i dont want you out of my life, but if thats what you need to be okay, i understand. im sorry for writing this on blogspot. but i felt the need to write, and thats how it started. i guess it just turned in to a letter for you. can you do me favor? i just need you to remember me forever and ever, to infinity and beyond. okay? i love you.

favorite song.

While youre staring at the moon
Know that Im looking at it too
While youre wishing on the stars
Know that I hate how were so far

When youre waking up to birds
Ill be thinking of those words
When youre looking in the mirror
Ill be wishing you were nearer

While youre sipping at a drink
Know that of you I always think
While youre humming a sweet tune
Know that Ill be seeing you soon

When youre going through your day
Ill be missing you in every way
When youre finally where you belong
My heart will sing your favorite song