I cried writing this.

I refuse to let my tears fall, I refuse to be weak again. From this day forward, I wont cry. Ill do anything to make sure I dont. In my tears, I find myself giving up, giving in, letting go and breaking down. In my tears, I feel strength leaving my body. Many will beg to differ, and I often did for as long as I can remember. I once believed that when I cried, it didnt show weakness, but strength and bravery for not being afraid to cry. Last night, I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror while I was crying, and I hated who I saw. I saw myslef in pain, I saw myself hurting and craving happiness. My eyes were a deep blue, and in them I saw my shattered feelings sparkling at the edges. My eyes are ever only deep blue when Im really upset or when Im really happy. But its different. When theyre deep blue when Im really happy, you can see the happiness lighting up my eyes, giving them character and life. When Im really upset, the blue looks like it should be called "hurting blue" or something along those lines if it were a Crayloa crayon. You can just see the pain, as if my own life was being strangled in front of my eyes. I dont like that look. I dont like looking weak, afraid, torn, tattered and ruined. Im done crying, Im done looking like that. I want to look strong. Whether my feelings are shattered or not, my eyes wont give that away anymore. I will do anything, Ill find some way to not cry anymore. Ill turn my tears into anything, other than showing my pain.