deep magenta.

I have a lot to say, but no words to form the sentences. I guess I've had this new outlook lately. Yes, for a very long while Ive been running from feelings. But let me tell you something. I'm letting myself feel again, and I havent felt this happy in a long time; probably eight months at least. But Im not totally okay yet. I never will be, to be quite honest. I dont deserve to be perfectly okay, and Ill never let myself be. But what I do deserve is to be happy, and to love. I stopped myself from loving people on any sort of level. But theres a few people that I have began to love. In different ways. And my God...I love how good its made me feel. However, Im still terrified of falling in love. Of giving my heart away, of putting my trust in people. If I ever give my heart to someone again, it wont be until Im strong enough to take care of myself on my own. And Ill just never trust anyone 100 percent. Or Ill atleast try not to. Sometimes theres just people you know you can trust. Other times you just cant. I was always the type of person to love unconditionally, though. And I dont know how I let one person change that about me. Everyone deserves to be loved, and when someone stops loving, then someone stops being loved. So, I will love. Ill love like always use to. I dont ever want to live life again without love. So, from this day on, Im stronger than those who hurt me enough to fear love.