cant stand it.

Its bad, I know. I really like her. Honestly, I think about her all the time, and I miss her and I wish I could be with her right now. But everyone who knows me, knows that I believe once you love someone, you always love them, at least a little bit. I was in love before...as you all know. But things didnt work out, we were always meant to say goodbye. And now...shes met someone new and I know this. This new girl, shes pretty ugly, and thats not just my...jealousy speaking. Thats in total honesty. Like seriously, she looks stoned and tired and fat in all her pictures. But thats all besides the point. Im jealous. I dont get it. She always said I was the only girl shed be with, that I was the love of her life. And now shes moving on. I mean, thats good. Thats really good. I dont want her still having feelings for me, because Im really not going to be with her. I cant, and I dont want to. But for some reason my jealousy bubbles when I think about her and this other girl. Ugh. I almost left a message on this girls facebook. I wanted to say "she was mine first, and youll never understand her or love her like i did"... but of course I didnt. Because she isnt mine anymore, and I dont want to be hers or her, mine. I know exactly what I want. But why, then, do I get so jealous? And why am I so selfish as to not even want to be her friend anymore, because it hurts too much? Am I allowed to be selfish? Maybe I need help. I know everyone is selfish at times...but I dont like how selfish I always am. I dont like that about me one bit. Im moving on, and Im happy with my new girl...but the jealousy is still there, and then that makes me feel guilty. I cant stand who I am. I hate who I am.